It's recently come to my attention that I have a stupid amount of medical issues. None of them are serious, just collectively, it's just stupid.
1. Scoliosis: I have minor scoliosis at the base of my neck, right where it goes up into my head. Didn't find this out until two years into chiropractic therapy, when they finally took an x-ray. Mostly, it's gone now.
2. TMJ: I don't remember what it stands for, but it means that my jaw is effed up. Basically, all the muscles in my neck tighten and pull on my jaw, causing it to lock up and give me massive migraines. This started in 8th grade. I now have caps on two of my teeth that have to get refilled once a year to keep my jaw in a place that won't put stress on the muscles.
3. Insomnia: I have not been able to fall asleep like a normal human as long as I can remember. Even my parents tell me that I never liked to sleep. I can only fall asleep without assistance if I'm purely exhausted from not sleeping more than 3-4 hours a night over a span of 2-3 days. I'm finally on meds for it now, and it's decently manageable. Only problem is, once I fall asleep, it takes a herd of flatulent elephants to wake me up.
4. Damaged Bursa Sack: No, it isn't anything dirty. The bursa sack is what keeps your hip joints lubricated (NOT DIRTY!) so they can move smoothly. Mine doesn't work. It happened when my cousin essentially dropped me directly on my hip from 3 feet in the air (long story). Because my left hip doesn't work right, and never will unless I find a way to go to physical therapy, my right hip tries to make up for it. Stupid right hip, that doesn't work, it just makes things worse. Sometimes, it hurts so bad that there is nothing I can do to stop it. Just curl up in a ball and cry for a couple hours until it stops or I exhaust myself. Oh, and this is a condition football players usually get. AWESOME!
5. Unidentified Skin Condition: That's right, it's a mystery. It comes and goes whenever it wants, and dermatologists can't tell me what it is. "It's like eczema, but it's not eczema." Thanks doc, coulda told you that. It started when I was in...1st grade? On the back of my legs, right below my ass (I hate the word "butt"). Then it spread to my elbows. It used to get so bad that my mom would bandage up my legs so I couldn't scratch at it and make it bleed anymore. Again, AWESOME!
6. Nerve Thingy: I've had a knot under my left shoulder blade for 6 years. In order to work on it, massage therapists have to push up through my armpit to get under my shoulder blade. Hurts like birthing twins, simultaneously. I should know. Anyway, this knot pinches some nerve, so when I turn my face to the right for more than 30 seconds, the left side of my face goes numb. I used to wake up with my whole left arm numb from sleeping with my head the wrong way, too.
7. OCD: I have never been diagnosed with OCD, or insomnia for that matter, but I'm almost positive I have it. When I was a young'n, I would rub my hands on my legs incessantly, and count my teeth to make sure they were all there, all the time. Those are only two of the weird things I did. I made people hit me whenever they saw me doing those things, and now I don't do them anymore. Instead, I have other weird things I obsess over, like pouring half a cup of water, dumping it out, and filling the glass all the way, or going to the bathroom 3 times before I go to bed. I studied OCD for some psychology class, and out of the 13 symptoms, I have 12, so I'm pretty sure I have it.
8. Depression: It runs in my family. Mom is bipolar, Dad is clinically depressed, great grandma did voodoo. The usual. I was screwed from the start. I've been on medication for 6 years for it, and it helps. About every two months I have a break down for about 12 hours where I'm positive my world is ending. This last summer, I finally figured out how to catch myself and realize that it's just the crazy talking and everything will be ok. To deal with it, in high school, I didn't cut myself, I gave myself shitty "prison tats", as I like to call them. All but one is covered up now. I keep it as a reminder of what I did, of what I don't want to do anymore. I never tried to kill myself because that's just cheating. I'd rather fight through the pain, hoping there's something better down the road.
This last point segues perfectly into my next idea: The story of my family, an expose on why I am so screwed up.
But that's for next time.
