Character Development

Who's ready for some crazy, new characters? Well, I sure am. I have enough to go around, so I'll share!

Today's cast will include: The Hunchback, Mr. Orrin, Captain Genius, The Surf Hipster, Miss Crazypants, and Hippy Neighbors.

The Hunchback:
Don't ask me what his real name is. I try to forget it. I try to forget he exists. If only I didn't have to work at that stupid gift store I would never have acknowledged his existence, but noooooo. Every week, I sit at this little desk, hoping he doesn't show up, with his shuffle, nasally, sniffly voice, and inappropriate comments. What kind of person spends their free time either at this horrible little store or listening to bad rap music and drawing sports cars? This guy. In his sweater vests, standing to close too you, asking personal questions. I'd punch him if I wasn't avoiding seeing his face.

Mr. Orrin:
Two words can sum up this man: creeper and attractive. Oh, and "ties", as in neck ties. He collects them. When I first met Mr. Orrin, I had the most unusual feeling that I don't think I'll ever have again: confusing attraction and fear of molestation. I couldn't hold a conversation with him, partially because he could never properly finish one. After weeks of trying to figure him out, I decided to avoid him all together, until one day, he came to me, looking for something tye-died. It was a denim jacket. I told him to bedazzle it, and he agreed, because the men at the biker bars would love it and give him free drinks. That comment alone won my approval. As time went on, my comments on his awkward demeanor, such as "Hey, you should come check out my basement. I have a really nice couch; it's a pullout" became common jokes, evolving into a children's show titled Mr. Orrin's Neighborhood. I'm not so scared of Mr. Orrin anymore, but I hope to share his bizarre qualities with a wider population.

Captain Genius:
Ha, if you can't guess my opinion of this person based on his name, then, well, you should be called Captain Genius. This man, no, this BOY thinks he knows everything. His opinion is infallible. Don't let his unique exterior fool you into believing he is open minded. He's about as open minded as my high school friend Gus who claimed to be an anarchist but yelled at us to stay in proper lines in marching band. I won't go into too much detail on this guy; I'll just leave it at: Boy with Potential to be a Super Hero (once he gets past his Ego issues).

The Surf Hipster:
You thought you knew what California was all about, didn't you, Ron Burgundy? Well you got one thing right: Womanizers. At least they have good taste in clothing and music, and their hair is nice. Oh, and if a Surf Hipster tries to convince you to watch Super Jail, do it, unless you're prone to having nightmares.

Miss Crazypants:
Have you ever met someone that made you laugh uncontrollably, but you were never sure if it was on purpose or not? Or perhaps they told you they were a crack baby or that they wanted you to get hit by a car? Then you've probably met this chick. She looks like she's 16, but she's 25 or something, with a kid, who's equally as dumb. She thought Paris and Italy were the same place. He thought Mario and Luigi were from Mexico. Anyway, Miss Crazypants tried to get my sidekick fired for no good reason, and I just can't have that. Thus began the Savers wars. These lasted about two weeks, consisting of constant battles, both in and out of offices, carefully planned retorts, and documentation of actions. Eventually, Miss Crazypants must have gone on some medication or something, because now we're buddies. Just....don't ask. I have no answers.

Hippy Neighbors:
These guys are about as stoned as you can get. Not that I would know how much that is, I just assume this is it, especially when I can smell their pot in my kitchen (I live below them). HN1, as I'll call him, doesn't like it when I open the door. Apparently I do it "every fuckin' time" he's about to open it, and it scares the shit out of him. Now, how someone opening the door from the other side is scary to an adult man, I do not know. HN2, he likes the snow. Snow makes everything look clean. He doesn't like it unless it's below zero outside. He also has an epic beard, which probably houses mice. Very stoned mice.

*To anyone who bothers to read this, if you think you might be one of these people, don't worry, you probably are.