Oh Adam

Commenting on a friend's Facebook status that read "Amy thinks some people whine a lot when they should really be happy for what they have. Quit being a whiny bitch and grow up." I agreed, and somehow, this status chain became focused the new health-care reform? Not quite sure what people's trains-of-thought were on this, but it all resulted in me making about two statements that proved this fellow, Adam, is, frankly, an ass. I don't like to swear on here, but that seems like the best word. What I said was "I just don't like people. Period." Amy replied, "Kim actually eats people." I took it one step further and said "I eats them while they're still fetuses, not even real people." Now honestly, if you saw a girl post that on a status after her friend said she ate people, would you not realize she was joking? Make I just have a screwed up sense of humor sometimes. This Adam fellow proceeded to tell me A: Well, Kim sounds like a dumbass...hope you need healthcare someday and can't get it, and B: Maybe you'll get cancer that will be awesome!!!! NO KEMO FOR U!!!! lol but really. Yeah....
This has proved to me that two sentences alone can change people's opinions of you to be completely opposite of everything you stand for. I think this is hilarious. It tempts me to do this more often, just to see how many people who say they know really know how I act and how many people are fast to judge and hate based off of what they read on Facebook. So far, the mental tally is piling up.

Today's Top Three

Number One: children screaming incessantly, causing my hatred of them to increase. An older black woman comes through my line and gives the "How do you handle this?" face. I say, "I know, this just makes want my own kids even less." "Oh, you're young. You'll have a bunch." "Haha, no thanks." "Well, don't go about it backwards, having the kids first and the man second. All the fun's taken out of it that way." Thank you, old black lady.
Number two: Karla did her second no-call no-show. My boss was telling me that no one will be pleased with her, even if she does show. I said, "Well, none of us are too fond of her anyway. She's...well...let's just say, she's not the best employee, for lack of better words." The customer in my line said, "Oh, we getcha. I won't tell her." Thank you, nice lady. I wouldn't care if you did tell her.
Number three: Emily came to my register to take a pencil because "Someone wrote 'i hate you poophead' on the dressing room wall." Too late, I thought to say "don't you hate it when people write all over things that don't belong to them?" Emily has a tendency to draw all over anything she can find, from locker name labels to the Metro Transit book to magazines to the top of the Morton's Salt container. I asked her later what was written on the dressing room wall. After she told me, I gave her my line, and she said "Oh, you're referring to me, aren't you?" I nodded my head and smirked. Thank you, Sarcasm.

Cooties pt 2

Cootie Man's name is Bruce, and it turns out the woman with him is named Arlen. She is married, but apparently those two are "together". I also forgot to tell you about how he walked away from the register, down the aisle, and directly into another shopper's cart and began to complain about how he was hurt and wouldn't be able to work. Oh, and they were both drunk. Today, Brucey came back into GW, and my boss, not the one who was there yesterday, confronted him. He claimed he wasn't drunk, even though he still reeked of booze today, and that he ran into that man's cart as a joke. She told him it wasn't funny and he had to knock it off, but she really wanted to tell him to just get the hell out of there and not come back.
Oh, Brucey, you are amusing, but please, don't come back to GW drunk again. Or ever, for that matter.

Cooties

So tonight, at Goodwill, a man came walking in while I was on the register. He looked kind of confused, and was carrying two suit-coats without a bag. He started to did through the pockets of the coats like he was looking for something. My boss asked, "Can I help you with anything?" "Yes," he responded,"I bought these coats here, and when I got them home, the pockets were full of cooties! Cooties, just crawling all over them." This caught my attention. My boss pointed out that he had already ripped the tag off, so, unfortunately, she couldn't give him any store credit for them. "Well they were just covered in cooties. What, do you guys get this stuff from China?" he said. Then, a woman, who I think was his wife walked in. I believe she had Parkinson's Disease, which my uncle has, because her mouth was half open with her tongue shaking inside of it, and her head was shaking just as much as her tongue. My boss told the man she could give him the district manager's number if he would like. He said, "I'll just get some new coats." "You will have to pay for them," my boss replied. "Well, if they have cooties, I don't want 'em!" Him and his wife walked away, and my boss looked at me in disbelief. I was trying so hard not to laugh at this gray-haired man and his "cooties." My boss took the coats away, and the man came back shortly after looking for his coats, saying he could give them to a friend who could use them. I called my boss out and she brought them back to him. He then took the coats over by the rest of them, within my view from the cash registers. I then watched at he tried on several of them, and I said to my boss, "You know what he's gonna do, right?" "Yep, he's gonna leave the other coats here and rip the tags off of two other ones and take those." Well, I had to go on my break, and missed this man's departure, but I was told that when he came up to check out, my boss asked to see the bag again, he refused, and when they told him he had to pay for the other one he had put on, he threw it at them and said, "Well, I don't want it then." Also, he continued to complain while waiting in line, and the man in front of him said, "Well, did they charge you for them?" "Um, no." "Well, don't complain, you got those cooties for free! I'd be complaining if they charged ya for them!"
I think we were all amazed by this event. My only response was to say, I think this man could potentially be Craig's best buddy. They'd get along swimmingly.

The Vampire Diaries

I'm tired, and can't sleep, so I'm watching The Vampire Diaries. It's so lame, I actually said "OMG" out loud. NOW they are playing Katy Perry's "Thinking of You" which I solely associate with Twilight (see the Hillywood Group's Twilight mock videos). YES! Now they're playing MGMT! This show is totally redeeming itself without me even following the script right now. Anyway, the part that made me say "OMG" out loud was when the vampire returned the main character's journal and said he hadn't read it because he wouldn't want anyone to read his, and the girl responds "You keep a journal too?" So shocking, people write down their thoughts, so do vampires! After all, they were people once. Wow, this show at least has good music. I don't know this song, but I like it.
What? The vampire's name is Stephan Salvator. Sounds like my relatives.
I love in shows and movies when teenagers party in the woods with beers around bonfires, laughing candidly. And ah, subplots of drug-dealing brothers who want to hook up with super hot chicks.
Same leafy, mossy, broken-tree-ridden landscape as Twilight. This is beyond a rip-off, and a bad one at that.There's event the ditsy friend who's head over heels for the vampire but has absolutely no chance. He even says "You and me, it's never gonna happen"
YES! And now time for the pretty vampire. Damon. Other vampire's brother. Honestly, who named these characters? Stephan, Damon, Elana. Oh, and Matt and Bonnie.
"It's all fun and games, but wherever you go, people die."
"I promised you an eternity of misery. I'm just keeping my word."
Oh, they have rings that let them be out in daylight! That's actually kind of creative.
So now the cops are at the teeny party to pick up the bitten girl and the younger bro is still drinking beer. WHAT?!
Carol Ann! There's a Carol Ann! "Don't go towards the light Carol Ann!"
So now we're moving on to the second episode.
"Completely and undeniably" Sound familiar? Wow, like the put the Twilight story in a mixer and threw it back together.
Well that's my summary for now. Sleep meds are finally kicking in.
Nighty Night World

The Bad Craig

Another coworker of mine is Craig, an old man who bikes everywhere and smells like BO and your grandpa's closet. He smells so bad (how bad does he smell?) that people have complained to our boss, and in response, he says, "Customers smell bad and we can't make them do anything about it." Yeah, he does not care. He also never cashiers because he is slow at it, too slow for our store. Craig usually works in the back half of the store in wares, furniture, domestics, and electronics. At night, we're given a section of the store to clean up, and Craig never finishes his. He starts to clean before we are supposed to, while people are still shopping feverishly, and he doesn't go back to check it over again. Recently, this has been irking me to no end. One night, we were probably 40 minutes late getting out because Craig didn't clean his section. When we yelled for everyone to get to the back to finish cleaning it, Craig didn't come, he just kept walking around finishing up MY section! Then, Emily Strange came up and asked why this section wasn't done, I yelled, "Cuz Craig doesn't do his @#$*ing job!" I hope he heard.....
This story was not that exciting, but it's all I've got right now.
Peace Out!

Emily Strange

I work with a girl named Emily. She is 17 I believe, and probably the most sheltered person I have ever met. She says "In the name of gosh" and says "poop" instead of shit or crap. She refuses to swear, and the one time she accidentally called someone "gay" she ran away giggling and apologized profusely. The strangest things about this girl by far are A: she cannot count change right to save her life, B: she claims to be allergic to carbon, and C: she has a metal plate in her head and doesn't know why. She told a coworker this one day, and we joked that we should stick magnets to her head to see if it's true. Well, we did. I overheard them talking about it and ran over to see her stick a refrigerator magnet to her forehead. I was shocked. It was true; the magnet stuck. We started asking her about how it happened, and she said she never knew about it until one day when she was a kid, she was running magnets across her head and she felt the magnetic pull. She has no idea what is in her head because her parents never told her! What kind of parent doesn't tell their 17 year old child, at some point, that they have metal in their head!? She tells me then that it happened when she was five and she and her brother were being babysat by some preteens who decided they wanted to go see their "boyfriends". These girls strapped her baby brother to a changing table in the dark and tried to chase her into the room with him. She thought it was a game, ran away, and eventually straight into the corner of a wall. This split her head open. She also told me when she was little she bit through her lip and her parents waited an HOUR AND A HALF to take her to the hospital. You can see that there is something wrong with her lip still. What is wrong with this family? To me, letting this child out into the world with no preparation after a life like that is near the level of the family that chained their daughter to a toilet and never even taught her to speak.
Well, off to work now. Can't wait to see what happened tonight...

This is a girl that comes into GW from time to time. I like to refer to her as "crazy anime girl" because she buys mass amounts of children's anime books. She is just one example of the crazy folks I see on a daily basis. I got this photo because I was following the girl around the store for a while, waiting for an opportunity, and one of my coworkers just took my camera, went up to her, and said "Oh! You are so pretty! Can I get your picture?" Hence, the cheesy pose, which I feel would be found all over her Myspace page, because I assume she still uses Myspace.




I take no credit for this photo. Some other genius created it before I had the chance, but this is Edward, also known as Rob, Wardo, or Rpatz. He lives in our hall closet, which is not actually in a hall, but in our dining room. This all began with a wonder called Growing Up Cullen (http://craftastrophe.net/2009/03/growing-cullen-twilights-edward-cullen-40-year-miserable-housewife/). This has spawned many Twilight related conversations and fan fic writings in our home, the best of which is the story of why Rob lives in the closet: he is hiding from his fans, and has somehow found three women who do not care that he is famous and will allow him to secretly live in their closet as long as he keeps the apartment clean. Oh, and did I mention he has an imaginary friend that is a tarsier named Faruk?




Oh yes, Faruk....

Other than this, hair is purpler now, crazy pregnant black ladies eat chalk on True Life, and Polyvore is very helpful for Fashion Marketing projects.
The End....
For now

Day One

A little bit about me, as of today:
I go to tech school in Radtown
I'm 20-ish
I own over 100 owls in some form or another
I have undiagnosed insomnia
I live with my best friend and an complete stranger who is quickly joining our world
Robert Pattinson lives in our hall closet with a tarsier named Faruk, hiding from his fans, because we really don't care
I work for Goodwill, which is possibly the strangest place in the world
My favorite color is green
I should've lived in the 1960's


I'm starting this for two main reasons:
Insomnia makes me want to write, and I've been told I'm perty dang funny, and
I've always wanted to make the Goodwill Diaries


Peace and Love