Most people have a friend or two that they've known for most of their life, or least it feels that way. Those friends that you will always get along with, no matter how long you spend apart, those that know every detail about you. I have a few of these friends, and I live with one of them now. Actually, two of them. I moved into this apartment with Brittany last August. I've known her since we were probably 13 years old. My other room mate is TJ. I met TJ while working at Goodwill here in Madison, and we became best buddies. He is the male version of me, but more childish. I pushed for Brittany and TJ to start dating, because I knew they would love each other. Now, I think I might regret this. TJ moved in with us less than a month after they started dating. At first, it was like a big slumber party every night. We were the happiest little family around, but as time went by, things got tense. I am messy and kind of a hoarder with about 8 projects going on at any given time. Brittany is anal and hates when things sit out on surfaces. Obviously, we clash. TJ is more like me, with games and projects always going on, but not all of his stuff is here. In the past month, things have gotten worse than they ever have been here. I rarely see Brittany any more because she is always in her room doing homework. I rarely see TJ anymore because Brittany wants him to be by her while she does homework; if he isn't, she will whine until he comes by her. Not only are they in their room because of homework, but they both feel that the living room is not theirs because it is mostly my stuff. Now that just pisses me off. When we moved here, Brittany asked me to wait to put up all of my art and decorations so she could put up hers as well. I waited for a month before I put everything up. Brittany put everything she wanted out in the living room, including lamps, art, a chair, and an entire bookshelf of all of her nick-knacks. So, because I have more decorations than her and most of the furniture is mine, that makes the living area uncomfortable? I just don't understand. It's not like the stuff I own is exclusively mine. It's all to share, as long as nothing gets broken. Another reason they do not spend time in the living room is because of my mess. I don't see it as mess, even though I know it is very cluttered, but we have three people living in a tiny, two-bedroom apartment. It's bound to have clutter, and not all of it mine. For example, TJ has three guitars and an entire box of video games in the living room. Brittany has expressed how much my messes bother her, and I try to clean them. I feel that I have improved a lot from when we moved in here, but she doesn't see it.
About a month ago, Brittany and TJ came home and said we needed to talk. "I can't live with you in the fall if things stay the way they are now," is what she said. "I don't want our friendship to get ruined because of this." I completely understood her, and knew it was coming. I dreamed about it earlier that month and had already been looking into other options for the fall. But it still hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no real warning, and I was on my own. I went on Craigslist, and everything was beyond what I could afford, not even considering that I would hate living on my own. I already felt like I lived on my own because I never saw my room mates. I still feel that way. I went outside with TJ to smoke, and I couldn't help by cry. He said he didn't want to do this, "put me out on the street", and I knew that. I told him I had no other options. I went inside, went to Brittany, and said "What do you need from me to still live together in the fall? Because I seriously have no other options." "Do your dishes and keep the living room clean." So I've been doing that, but things are getting more tense, it seems.
This whole situation adds to my feeling of not being wanted. I told TJ how I feel, and that I'm afraid that, in the fall, Brittany will still not hang out with anyone but TJ and lose all of her friends. I want to tell Brittany how I feel, but I don't know how. That's really the reason I'm writing this, to get out what I want to say but probably never will.
"Brittany, I feel really uncomfortable living here. That's why I rarely ever come home. I feel like I don't have a room mate. I know you have school work, but you need to have a life too. None of our friends can remember the last time you hung out with them. I don't want what happened with you and Christina to happen with you and everyone else. It also really bothers me that you insist on TJ being in your room whenever you are doing homework. I never get to spend time with either of you. I hardly even ever see you two. I think living apart this fall will be good for both of us, but I'm still afraid our friendship will fall apart. If you stay the way you are now, doing school work all the time and spending all your free time locked away with TJ, you won't have any friends left by the time you're done with school. I will always ask you to hang out, but I will not put in all the effort. I won't put in extra effort to spend time with you if you keep choosing your boyfriend over friends. I will always be your friend, unless you choose to let our friendship fall apart. I don't want that to happen. I'm not trying to be mean or a bitch, I'm just concerned. It's your decision how you live your life, but realize that people don't sit around and wait for you to make an effort to be a good friend."
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